There are some failures that we just cannot fix.
Let me give you some examples: How about getting in an accident, and people don’t survive? Perhaps some of the fault was yours and some of the fault was the other driver’s. Did we do everything we could do just perfectly? How about having a son or daughter, whether an adult or younger, that was heavily into addictions? Did we do everything we could do just perfectly?
What if one of our children commits a crime, and the results are staggering? Did we do everything we could do just perfectly?
What about the marriage that didn’t work out because one of the partners decided it wasn’t worth the effort? This can happen and is happening. What could have prevented it, and did we do everything just perfectly?
What about the child who dies young of cancer? The examples go on and on.
There are situations in life that we could never be perfect enough to stop, yet we demand that perfection from ourselves in our deep thinking late into the night. We go over and over all of the things we should have done, or could have done, but didn’t do. Life is full of those types of failures. That is why the name of this website is “Life is Good, but Life is Hard,” because it is hard. It is often heartbreaking. There is agency in this world. People can do a lot of good or a lot of damage.
So, what do we do with those events?
In our life we will have one or possibly more of those types of events at some time or another. How do we survive them? Notice I said the word “survive.” There is nothing bearable about these events. They are considered unbearable. They do feel that way, but in the end they are bearable. I know, because I have been in some in my own life.
When my four month old child died from SIDS it was unbearable. Over and over I kept questioning what I had done wrong. Did I not check him enough? Did I not check the crib? I considered myself a failure as a mother because I had a child that died. Even though I was assured that this could not have been prevented, it didn’t change how I felt. Again, the words came to me, “So, what are you going to do about this?” I realized that I needed to put my hand back in the hand of God and start the process of dealing with heartbreak. It took a while. It wasn’t quick or easy, but the healing began.
I was counseling with some parents after their son had overdosed on heroin. They had done many things to try and help him try and beat this habit. They knew that they weren’t responsible for the addiction, but they felt that they must be responsible somehow for changing and helping their son. Obviously, they had failed. In his note to his parents, he told them to not think about all the times he slipped but how many times he had said no during different periods of sobriety. It was heartbreaking for all. They couldn’t have done it perfectly enough!
We can’t do it perfectly. We can only do the best we can do in difficult situations. Think of soldiers sent off to war. They cannot do it perfectly enough. There are so many hard situations in life that we can get thrown off center of where we are supposed to be. This is life, and it is not Disneyland. It is a tough place, but it is also a beautiful place.
Look for the Small Miracles
When I look back at my baby’s death, I can see many small miracles that took place. First of all, there was that moment when I asked the burden to be lifted enough that I could bear the three days in Intensive Care watching him breathe his last breath. Even though he had appeared lifeless when I found him, his heart was still beating and the ambulance team was able to get him functioning again. Yet, everyone knew that he was not going to stay. The burden was made bearable by a compassionate Father in Heaven. I could function. I could comfort my other son. I could think about the spiritual journey this little one was on. I knew there was life after death, and it is interesting that even now I have a handicapped son who is very aware of his brother on the other side.
It is just hard. We can’t see the whole picture. We only get glimpses. We do have a compassionate God who knows how hard it is here. After all, look at his Son and what the world did to him. At the same time, even through all the pain, look at what his Son did for the world.
Get Involved and Help Someone Else
The parents who lost the son from drugs began volunteering at drug rehab centers and sharing their story. They worked with other parents, and they made a difference. Addiction is one of the most heartbreaking problems of our day and age. Some are able to get over that terrible mountain and others not. I don’t know why, but I know that you can’t be perfect enough to make life’s problems go away.
So how can we look at the hard times of life? We can look through the spectacles of gratitude. First of all, we are here, and we learn a bunch. Second, to obtain the attributes of love, caring, sharing, and lifting up each other’s burdens, we would never understand if we didn’t have hard times. We would stay as kindergartners for our whole earth life.
HE can heal us all. There are many things we can’t change and can’t fix. HE can heal us. HE understands the pains and sufferings of this world. HE can give us extra strength. HE can give us new direction and when we see HIM again. We will know CHRIST. We will understand what he wants for us and what he is teaching us about handling the good and hard things of life.
So again, take a deep breath and put your brave button on. Stand up and do something good for someone else. It is one of the best healing pills ever invented. Start the attitude of gratitude and get your gratitude journal going. It is not the end of the world, nor is it intended to be. It is hard however; painful and hard and we often have to go through these journeys. It isn’t failure, but it is life sometimes. Most of the days are sunny and full of good things. Keep your eye on those days!
Leave a Reply