Don’t Z It!

I had a counseling session a few years ago with a young lady who showed up in a terrible state. It was her first time in counseling. She could hardly function and looked terrible. She was very down, sobbing, and ready to give up. I asked her what giving up meant to her. She told me that she just didn’t want to live any more. Life was too hard, and she felt alone and lost. Along with her other troubles, she had just broken up with her boyfriend!

We spent a long time talking, without too much success. She was sure that her life could never be happy again. During that time her phone rang. She answered it with a slow hello and then in the next five minutes she visibly had perked up and by the end of the conversation (another five minutes) she was positively glowing!

I immediately asked her if it was him, meaning the boyfriend that she had just broken up with. “No,” she said, “this is a guy I met the other day, and we are going to have a date. He is really cute, and I am way excited!”

WOW!

I was dumbfounded! One minute she was at the bottom of the world, giving up, and ten minutes later she was at the top of the world and looking forward to life with great expectation. Without pausing, I looked at her and said, “You have just gone from A to Z in less than ten minutes. You have gone from one end of the alphabet to the other. Let’s work with this a minute. Let us make “A” great and “Z” terrible. So how often do you go from A to Z in less than ten minutes?”

I DO IT A LOT!

She thought about it, and she said, “Well, I guess I do it a lot.” I said, “Don’t you think that is pretty destructive for your life? Why can’t you go from “A” to “MNOP” instead of “Z”? She looked at me, and then started to smile. “So, you think I over react?” I smiled at her and said, “Without a doubt, and it is very destructive to you and others around you.” Staying at the “P” would probably be much better!” With that emphasis on the “P” we both laughed and she told me she thought she could remember to just go to the “P”!

RE-WORKING THE ALPHABET!

From that moment our conversations worked around the alphabet. There were discussions about how great A would be if we could stay there all the time, but that is not life. Life is not made up of all As nor is it made up of all Zs. Disneyland might be an A. Getting engaged would be an A. Having a death in the family would be a Z. We discussed the importance of staying in the MNOP or just the “P” stage. That is where we need to be in our life. Some good happens in our life and some bad, but almost everything is pretty workable and solvable.

OK, JUST “P” IT! DON’T “Z” IT!

I have used that technique both in counseling and in life coaching since then with great success for the individuals. I use it in my own life. I can “Z” it occasionally in my own life, but I recognize it, and take a deep breath and smile and say “OK, just “P” it! It should be a style of living for all of us.

We have used it in our school district with the motto “Don’t Z It! Calm down and find a better way to deal with the issue.” It has made a difference when it is learned even by the very young all the way up in life.

I thought about the many times I had felt the same way, as this young woman when I was younger, and how happy I was that I kept on plugging through life. During those times in my life, I had no idea of all the good that was ahead for me. I could only see the moment. I was probably trapped in the “Z” part of it and not realizing that the attitude would do nothing to make things better.

IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD! WE WOULD KNOW IT!

We do have to work things out and think them through! When you are upset, can you identify what has upset you? Why it has upset you? What you are going to do about it? Any situation or event can be dealt with. Nothing, except the end of the world, is the end of the world. I can tell you right now, that it has not arrived!

If you get in a fight with your boyfriend, then analyze it. What part did you play? What part did he play? Is he really worth it? Do you fight a lot? Think things through rather than just reacting. You will have your fair share of sorrow and rejection in your life. They are a part of life. These events are not the end of the world. We will have to face many negative things in our life. This life IS hard, but it IS good. Keep the good in front of you, and it will make dealing with the hard things “dealable and healable!”