I was talking to a mother and father in St. George area about their 14-year-old daughter. As we talked, I could feel the parents’ discouragement. One said, “Our kids are never home. If they are home, they bring friends, and if they are alone they are on the computer or their phones texting.” We talked about family meals, and they laughed. “We can’t do that, because they all have different practice times!” Then we talked about a family night. Again they laughed, and said “that doesn’t work for the same reason.”
I asked what was really bothering them. They were supportive of their children and wanted them to grow in the areas of academics, sports and other areas, but they still wanted them to be home at least some of the time. We talked about how hard it was just to have a conversation without the interruptions of phones or friends. This is not uncommon. “We want them to be good kids, and we figure this keeps them out of trouble!” It is a theme that runs across many parents’ minds.
We determined they needed to have “down time” with their kids, meaning no phones, TV or computer for kids or parents. That last part hit home for the parents. They needed to turn off their gadgets too. They realized that they were as interrupted as the kids.
So what is down time? It isn’t just sitting and looking at each other. It has to do with meaningful activities with time for discussion. Activities like sitting around a back yard camp fire and dutch oven cooking; talking about the world. Another could be a cleanup time with chocolate chip cookies following. Again, more time for discussion and work!
Work is essential to kids. It is their training by you for their future jobs. Don’t just leave it up to the schools. The school is your helper, not the other way around. This means the main part of the education starts and ends at home. That is, of course, if you or your kids are ever home together! Decide the age where paid work begins in your family. Yes, everyone should have daily chores just to be supportive of the household, but beyond that, there can be additional defined work and a payment at the end. It is great for paying for trips or clothes. I have watched parents in the Los Angeles area literally spend a $1,000 for a prom weekend. It was almost as though their child was entitled to that experience. They are not entitled. They need to know just how much each dream costs and what kind of work gets them that dream. Some dreams are left un-dreamed!
This gets to another part of home. Parents, when are we home? Many of us work. It was my generation who ushered in the feminist movement and there were some good things about that movement, but there were some negatives. One of the latter is making fun of being a “mommy”. Even Sesame Street would have subtle sarcasm about a “mommy” who wanted to stay home and be lazy.
As moms poured into the workplace, costs went up. Homes in Huntington Beach went from $25,000 to $50,000 in one year. The next year it was $75,000; then $100,000. Now we need two incomes practically to survive. Many couples are reversing the trend and getting Mom back in the house. At least until all the children are in school and afterward tailor her work hours to school hours. It is helping. The latch key child is an alone child and that doesn’t work well. Things happen in homes that many parents don’t discover for years.
Home is the doorway to all other doors, either for the good or bad. It all depends on what we do and how much we do it. It can be positive or negative and the choice is ours. We need to be back in our homes. We need to get our children back in their homes. There are many alternate routes that each family has to figure out for themselves. One family had each one of their children pick one sport or extra-curricular activity over four. Another had their children pick two. The families made regular times to be together. Some made Sunday night their family night.
Look at your situation and find the way. Home should be safe, friendly, guiding and sometimes there may even be sternness. It needs to be welcoming and Mom needs to be there, and Dad needs to be involved in all the aspects of running a home.
How is your home?
Where are you?
Where are they?
Let’s get back home.
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