Sometimes life is so hard that each minute becomes all that one can bear. In AA they have a slogan called “one day at a time.” Sometimes it is one hour at a time or in reference to above, one minute at a time. We can get hit from many directions, and the result is that we become motionless in our mind. It is as though our whole body and mind has shut down. What do we do with those moments? How do we bear it?
I would like to share with you a conversation I had with my father many years ago. He was telling me his feelings of serving in the Philippines in the middle of the Second World War. He rarely talked about the war, and I knew that this was a moment that was important. His voice was shaky and often he would get tears in his eyes. He was a deeply religious man and had been all of his life. The war had left him, however, very stern and everything to him was right or wrong. As he talked I began to have a deeper understanding of him and the impact wars have on families, nations and the world.
They were going back to the Philippines. They knew that to regain each island from the Japanese would be costly to all of the invading forces. Just landing on the beaches and making it up to some type of cover would cost the lives of thousands of men. My father was a major and said that for the next few weeks they would fight for 23 hours and have 1 hour off where you could sit behind the safety of a tank or other structure. You were still in the middle of it, but you had a moment to draw your breath.
The Terrible Fear Swept over Him
He stated that the men around him were starting to crack up. There were so many dead or wounded and the noise was deafening. You were to just keep moving ahead. Keep plowing through, shooting as you went. The enemy was putting up a fierce battle, and there was no relief in sight. Every man’s fear was that he would die, or that he would weaken and mentally lose it.
When it was my father’s turn to take the pause behind a somewhat safe area, he sat there – his mind spinning and his body exhausted. Suddenly he began to shake. This was not just fatigue shaking. He had seen this before in men whose minds and bodies had just collapsed. He began to panic and started to pray. “Please don’t let me lose it. My men need me. Please help me get it together.” He finally decided that if he could get his hand up to his face from his side he would be alright. It took him almost the entire hour to get his shaking under control and his hand up to his face.
When he got his hand to his face, he knew he was back in control. He gave a prayer of thanks and jumped up and joined his group. He continued to lead his men. Eventually the Japanese fell back and the Allies took back the Philippines.
As I thought back on that conversation and I thought about how many times we feel like we can’t handle one minute more of whatever situation we are in. Sometimes, we need to just stop. Take a moment or a day and just decide one thing we want to get done. Maybe it is just getting out of bed, making the bed and taking a walk. Perhaps it is having another round of chemo. We have to put our brave button on, decide what we are going to do to keep our sanity and then get to it.
The Loss of a little One
In my life, I have brought my hand to my face, so to speak, in many ways. When my child lay dying in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit, I knew that if I could take a walk down that hall and keep my sanity the length of the hallway, I would be able to carry on. I walked down that hall, and half way down I stopped. I can remember thinking…so what are you going to do about this?
I thought about a scripture that I had read a few days before: “Learn of me, and listen to my words; walk in the meekness of my Spirit, and you shall have peace in me. I am Jesus Christ; I came by the will of the Father and I do his will.” D & C 19: vs. 23
As I stood there I knew I had a choice. I could feel wave after wave of anger and bitterness creeping in. I continued thinking, and then I knew; “Heavenly Father he was yours before he was mine. If it is your will, than I thank you for letting me have him as long as I have, and I give him back to you with love. He was yours before he was mine.” As soon as those thoughts came a peace settled over me and I was able to continue the long walk down the long hallway. Brandon died shortly afterwards.
We will have moments in our life and maybe all that we can do is bring our hand to our face. We are never alone in this journey of life. We can choose to ignore the comfort of our God, but it certainly makes life tougher. No matter whether it is in the middle of war or the aloneness of life that we can have at different times, we are never truly alone.
Just remember, “If I can just get my hand to my face, I will be OK.”
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