Fear is a terrible thing. It rules much of our lives, and it delights the adversary, who is the father of fear as well as lies. He is the constant source of whispers that sound like this: “You’ve gone too far; you’ve done too much; you’re not loved anymore and there is no hope.” Those types of mental whispers are given to those who have broken some larger rules. Setting those types aside, we all have ordinary daily fears. So let’s take apart just average fears. Let me list just a few:
Fear of giving a talk.
Fear of surviving in a very fearful world.
Fear of not making it to the celestial kingdom.
Fear of not doing right by our children, our spouses.
Fear of losing our families.
Fear of the adversary and all of his ability to tempt and discourage us.
Fear of being over-burdened.
Fear of being too demanded upon.
Fear of ourselves and questions of our own sense of worth – questioning our own goodness.
Fear rules us in almost our daily breath. It governs much of what we do. It comes purely from the adversary. He delights in fear. “And all things shall be in commotion and surely men’s hearts shall fail them.” (D & C 45: vs. 26)
Our hearts are failing us. In every home there is a heart that is failing. Failing and falling; for the adversary has us running in fear. Running from the very things that would strengthen us and running towards the very things that will destroy us. We must see him as he stands. He is the father of lies and has convinced us of many great lies. We believe him often. If we did not believe his lies we would not be ruled by fear. It would not be within us.
This is how he lies. First he convinces us that we are not good. Then he continues the conversation that we cannot be good. He goes on to say that we can’t be pure; that we can’t withstand him. His last parting shot is that our weaknesses are unbeatable! Our trials are too great and his power is too sure. We are too weak.
I tell you, though, that it is a lie. I know from my own experiences. I have had to break through that lie myself, and all that I tell you I tell you out of a sure knowledge.
Have you noticed all of the problems swirling around the families that you know? Yes, it is happening with the Latter-Day Saints along with the rest of the world. There are problems in our homes, in our marriages, within our youth, and we all deal with the temptations and problems of this world. We all have to confront the “messes” of life. Regardless of what we might be dealing with, it does not give us an excuse to give into the lies of the adversary, and it is definitely not an excuse to the Lord. In fact, stand in line: the long, long line of this world’s problems.
It is interesting that the battles are now getting more in the open rather than working from behind the scenes. O Happy Day! Now we can put on the battle garb rather than resenting the battle or fleeing from it. We really don’t like hard times. We want things to be happy. Oh, do we want things to be happy. We deserve it! Right?
I don’t want the battle. I don’t want to sacrifice now. I don’t want pain, or exhaustion, or to be over-burdened. I would rather have the millennium right now. I would like the adversary bound now.
I know I don’t stand alone in this opinion. I was counseling with a young woman who had seen her husband killed and discovered that her young son, whom she would raise alone, had autism. She was angry and bitter. The last straw was that her son’s grandfather, whom she had counted on heavily for help also died within the same year.
Whew! Now she was turning her back on her Heavenly Father. In our discussions, I asked her how long she was going to stay angry. She knew she was angry. As we discussed this she told me she felt it was her right to be angry. Well, it was her right. She had free agency, but her right to her anger proved to be very costly to her and others. She had just fired her God. I asked her if she would consider re-hiring her God, since she truly needed his help. She finally did, and things turned around. It is interesting that we are told that we are to be grateful for all things.
Thank goodness for the goodness of my Father in Heaven who knows to move me in spite of my fears and wishes! We really don’t want to pay a price if our mortal self is in charge. I hear it continuously in the conversations of people. “Oh, I don’t want to go through that! I couldn’t bear it. The next comment is almost a given: “The Lord said I would not get more than I could bear!” Or another comment is, “I can only handle so much and keep my family going. I will lose my family if I am asked to give any more.” Or, “I have lost myself. I have to develop myself. I’ve got to concentrate on me now, and then I will be worth something to others later. Then I’ll sacrifice more.”
I have said all of the above at one time or another. Maybe I didn’t say it aloud, but the thoughts were there. I have even prided myself in my ability to take a lot of heat, but I haven’t felt any heat yet. As long as I continue half in the world, and half in the gospel than there is no real heat. The heat comes when one decides to truly give up the world.
Many years ago I had been involved in some counseling that involved sexual abuse and small children. I had gone home in despair over the severe types of sexual problems that were becoming all too common. I had such a sorrow inside that I could not rest. In that day I had been talking to those who had offended children sexually. There were conversations also with those who had been abused and those who had to live with those who had been involved.
I felt an enormous sorrow for them all. All that I had talked to were Latter-day Saints. Where, oh where had we gone so wrong? We were certainly better than the world, or were we? I could not feel more sorrow for one part of these family groups than another. All were tormented in one form or another.
Then I thought about the many “normal people” that I dealt with in counseling. They were different from the families involved in sexual abuse in the sense that there were no legal issues and the problems were not as horrendous, but I still witnessed and heard the deep feelings of despair and anger. There was also much, much anger.
They were all angry at what didn’t go right for them. They were all angry because things were not turning out as they dreamed. They weren’t the perfect family; they didn’t have the perfect husband or wife, and their children were causing a lot of pain. No one likes this feeling.
Now, I came to the point that I needed an answer, not only for the people that I counseled with, but for myself. How does one deal with the tough things of life? I started to fast, and by that night in prayer I received an answer. It was so clear that I started to write it immediately in my journal so I could remember it, and I know of no other way to share it than to just read what I wrote in my journal that troubled night.
Talk by R.A. Hess @ Women’s Conference
Riverside Stake, Big Bear Lake, California
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