Are we able to have patience for others, or do we find ourselves in constant battles?
In every relationship, family or community, we will disagree. These disagreements are almost always fraught with danger unless they stay in the light areas of life such as food, movies, etc. That doesn’t always happen. Is it possible to disagree, stay courteous and give the person the same courtesy you would if you were agreeing with them?
Many years ago as a young married woman, I was sounding off on how I disliked a person and why. I felt that I was very entitled to my position, and, after all, I was right! The lady with me leaned over and touched my arm. She said, “You don’t mind if I don’t agree with you, do you?”
I was absolutely speechless. I didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t argued. She didn’t tell me off; she just pleasantly let me know that she didn’t agree with me.
Another time while discussing politics, a similar thing happened. The person I was talking to said, “You don’t mind if we disagree – we can still be friends, right?”
What are you going to say at that moment? Are you going to give all the reasons why they should agree with you, or could you just smile and say, “Yeah, I don’t always agree with myself either.” We need to learn to lighten it up! I am grateful for those early experiences because I have had wonderful moments with people that are totally different than me. We believe in opposite points of view, and yet we get along fine.
Is it really worth the battle?
Very few areas in life are worth a battle. It doesn’t work in marriage, it doesn’t work with children, it doesn’t work in families and it doesn’t work in communities. Does that mean we always agree? Most assuredly not! So how do we do this? How can we disagree without having it become a fight?
A couple was telling me that the biggest agreement that they made was how they were going to act when they disagreed. First of all, if one of them at all got heated, they took a break, and they didn’t try to put the other one down for asking for that break. After a period of time, they learned to disagree, think on it and then later talk about it in a way that worked for both of them.
Every once in a while you meet someone who makes a stand even when it is unpopular, and they do it in a positive way. You might not agree with them, but they aren’t trying to make an enemy, they are polite, caring and involved. They just don’t agree with you or with others.
The most important point is to not make winning the only point! We don’t have to have our point be the only one that’s right. If you take a thousand different people, they will, for the most part, have a thousand different slants towards every topic. It has to be that way because we are individuals with different backgrounds and needs. We aren’t supposed to be alike. We are very different, often even within our own families.
Patience for Others!
Patience is a big key. By the way, it is the hardest key. I have a great deal of patience for myself – for my shortcomings and mistakes. It is yours that I have a problem with! I have great understandings and tolerance for my own weaknesses. It is other peoples’ weaknesses that I have a problem with. We often are very lenient to ourselves and pretty tough on others. It’s important to practice patience for others’ weaknesses, as well as our own.
My Uncle Jack
I had a great uncle growing up. He was Uncle Jack to me. His family had a home on a ranch in the Colorado Rockies. We loved to go there and visit. There was a large oak table in the middle of the kitchen, and after dinner was served we all hung out to continue our discussions. Now during the meal, we just talked about pleasantries. After dinner, we all waited to see what topic would be brought up. For the most part, the younger children listened, but it was always great to listen. My grandfather would bring up one topic, and Uncle Jack would agree or disagree. Aunt Ruth or my mother or father would have input. All was done with great civility. It could be politics, religion or whatever, often the very topics everyone warns you to avoid.
There was a lot of humor that was brought into the conversation. No one expected to win or overwhelm others in the discussion. Sometime in the after-dinner discussion, Uncle Jack or one of them would point to us and say, “So, what’s your thoughts?” We had some! We had been here before in our growing up years, and we knew how to put across a point of view without being destructive.
During one of these discussions, Uncle Jack said to us younger ones, “Let’s switch points of view. If you were opposed to this, what would your argument be?” We loved it! We learned to think, to listen to be able to see both points of view and to have tolerance. The table was often filled with laughter and jokes. Those nights around the table taught me the ability to agree and disagree in a nice manner. We can do that, you know!
The Ability to See Ourselves
Do we have the ability to see ourselves and to recognize how we handle different points of view other than ours? Do we have patience for others? Can we be uncomfortable if it helps someone else be comfortable? Do we pick and choose who we are nice and caring with and who we are not? Look within the extended family. Sometimes there are people who we are close to and others we are in a war with.
The bottom line is that disagreements can seriously hurt us and others. We can have wars within couples, within families and within extended families. We can even be involved in wars within our own neighborhood and country. It can lead to public disorder, and the list goes on.
The Skilled Peacemaker
One of the early Americans I dearly love and appreciate is Benjamin Franklin. He was always putting groups back together. He was the father of compromise, and he did it with a smile and a sense of humor. For the most part, we all need to go a little here and a little there to make life work. Very few things are absolutely black and white or absolutely right or wrong. They are out there, and they are important, but we don’t have to act as though every day and every action has to be only acceptable to us. We should truly try and be amiable with our fellow man in every way that we can. It makes life so much nicer and families and communities so much better. We can have differences, but we can work them out in a positive way. Let’s try it!
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