We live in a fast-paced, exciting and, at times, dangerous world. Often, we are naive in our own self-protection. There comes a time in our lives when we must make decisions that will keep us safe all the way around. This needs to start in the early teens. So, let’s look at some of them.
The first is being proactive towards your own protection. To begin with, don’t be stupid! I say that bluntly, but it is true. Don’t believe everything that you are told. If something doesn’t feel right, back off, and take a hard look. If you find yourself in a situation where you are uncomfortable, then do something!
Parties and Drinking
For instance, let’s say you are invited to a party that you think will be fine, but when you get there you can see there is drinking. Who is taking you home? Who is driving? Can you get another way home or call your parents?
These are important things to think through. I have seen teens who ended up at parties that became more and more wild. They didn’t want their parents to know, so they started to shut down their own protections. It isn’t worth it! Call your parents, take the heat and learn a lesson. Alcohol is involved in date rape almost 98 percent of the time. Those are staggering numbers. That means the girls who were raped had been drinking. College campuses are rampant with date rape.
Another danger is open drinks handed out at some parties. The people handing them out may tell you they are soft drinks, but in reality they could be spiked with a knockout drug. There are cases where after taking a “safe” drink, a girl awakens someplace with very little knowledge of what happened during the previous few hours. Later she finds out she was not only raped but videoed as well. These tragedies occur constantly! Most are not reported.
Only accept unopened pop or, better yet, bring your own. More importantly, don’t be where there is drinking until your 21 and you have the ability to handle yourself. I know this sounds harsh, but I can’t tell you the heartbreaking stories that I have heard in counseling, and they all started with alcohol and being at the wrong place, at the wrong time, and sometimes doing the wrong thing. Be proactive in your safety!
The statistics on drunken teenage driving is almost as staggering. Drinking and young people are a recipe for disaster. Protect yourself. Many years ago, I had an older friend tell me she always drove herself to any party. She never went with a group. That way if she didn’t like the feeling there, she just drove herself home! Smart!
Saying Too Much
The second decision to keep yourself safe is to not tell too much about you to too many people. Now, I know that the readers of this site would never be this dumb, but it is amazing how often it happens. A while back, in California, I had gone into a convenience store to quickly buy a pop. There were some very young girls (about 14) who were talking to older guys (about 21) about how they had ditched school and their parents didn’t know about it. How funny! The guys asked if they would hang out with them for the day, and they seemed eager to do it. Dumb!
Who were these guys? What were their motives? What danger were they putting themselves into? You could even tell the store clerk was dumbfounded and wanted to say, “Hey, dummies. This is not a good plan.” The girls were oblivious. The guys were cute, and they wanted to do something exciting.
I left, but they stayed in my mind. In many big cities, there are many unexplained crimes against very young girls and may rapes that are never reported because the girls didn’t want to explain that they had put themselves in harm’s way. We also need to be careful on the Internet! Sadly, not everyone is nice. Predators are experts on finding weaknesses.
Don’t Accept Bad Behavior
The third decision is to hold others accountable if they behave badly at your expense! Bad behavior can range from being rude to physically abusive. It can include bullying or a boyfriend or girlfriend that is too controlling. There are many, many different scenarios that we can be hit with.
Let’s take rude behavior while you are dating. This is easy, don’t date them anymore. Don’t let them explain away rude behavior more than once. Everyone is allowed one mistake for sure. But if rude behavior becomes the way they treat you, then you don’t need that treatment. How do you tell them? Probably over the phone or in person if you have to, and be brave about it. “Hey, I don’t have tolerance for rudeness.” Then be specific if you need to be, but don’t back down. We all know what rude behavior is. By the way, that means you can’t be rude either in your relationships!
Let’s kick it up a notch and look at the person who loses his or her temper. It is one thing to be upset and it is another to become a bully about it. Bullies send a message by losing their tempers that you had better not irritate them this far again, or else! Or else, what? Again, state clearly, one can certainly disagree with you, but out of control anger? No!
What is out of control anger? Any behavior, temper-wise that starts to make you nervous. When people start raising their voices, swearing, throwing things around, or even grabbing you, that is the time to get proactive in your defense. First, leave. Second, make it very clear that this behavior is not acceptable. People can definitely disagree, but there are some rules of niceness that stay no matter what. We will tackle bullying and anger management in future articles, but be pro-active towards your own welfare. Be smart!
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