The Greatness of Failure

A mom told me about a conversation she had with her teen daughter many years ago.

The daughter had played ball for a varsity team, which seemed to be a good thing.  The problem was that she was always on the bench for most of the game.  She wanted to be part of everything, but she also considered herself as a failure.  As her senior year approached, the mom asked her, “Do you really want to have a repeat of last year?”

The daughter cried and said she was a failure at being a good basketball player.  “So, what are you going to do about it?” asked the mom.

They then talked about other possibilities for her senior year.  The daughter was getting ready to go to college, so money was an issue.  Finally her daughter decided that she would rather work after school and weekends than be at practice and games.  “Was it hard?” I asked.

“Well, for a short period of time,” said the mom. “But what she learned from working was so huge that even she began to realize that this was a good decision.  Not only was she learning working skills such as being on time and the value of having a pay check, but she learned to save and put money away for college.”

This was a major learning curve for this young teen but a valuable lesson.  Why are we so afraid to fail?  Sometimes failure helps us immensely.  So what if we fail?  What is the worst thing that can happen?  We can learn new skills or new habits ourselves.  We can learn to look at things differently if our attitude created the failure.  If we fail at getting along with others or our children, then we can put on our brave button and look at why there is a problem.  Sometimes the problem is us.  Sometimes it involves things we can’t control, but we can alter our response to.

Looking at failure can be a tremendous adventure if we do it right.  First, always put your hand in the hand of God, because he is a much nicer critic than we are to each other.  He gives us hints that don’t put us on the floor.  Second, write down the biggest change that needs to happen within you.  It is tempting to look at everyone else and what they need to change, but we can’t change others generally without changing ourselves and our reactions first. Third, in looking at the change create a plan of action.  Action creates change.  When do things go wrong and with whom?  Are there certain triggers that cause reactions within us?  What is our game plan for those triggers?  Taking two deep breaths and shutting up is one idea.  It is amazing how well that one can work!  Many of us have had to learn that plan of action.  Fourth, what is the true problem that is really going on?  Take a deep look. Fifth, be grateful for any change, any change at all, that is positive.

So, let’s list them for a quick look:

1. Put your hand in the hand of God.
2. Write down the main change needed.
3. Make an action plan
4. What is the true problem
5. Be grateful for any change.

You can do this!  Failure often creates the motivation for change.  Action creates the change to match the motivation.  Gratitude keeps us positive.